Graduation is on May 6th, which is 3 days away. It's finals week right now. I have one more test and 3 more projects to turn in until I'm done!
However, I can't allow myself to have any free time so I started my internship this week, too. Oh, and I still work a regular job too. Besides that, I'm taking 2 summer classes and then I'll officially be done with college.
This whole time, I've been trying to squeeze in wedding planning stuff whenever I can, because It's happening in about 8 weeks! I just sent out invites yesterday. My amazing fiancé (I am still getting used to saying that) proposed to me on our anniversary in January with a ring that he made himself! With his hands! It looks awesome and I love it. And him, of course.
Once the wedding is over, we are spending the weekend at the lake and then going back home to pack for our move in July! I'm really nervous about that, because it's a big move. I've never lived in a different state than my family and now I'm going to live halfway across the country. I already miss them and I haven't even left yet. My youngest brother isn't even in high school yet and I'm leaving. I feel bad. He's just starting to figure out who he is and become his own person and I won't be here anymore.
On top of that, what happens if my car breaks down and I need to call my dad or what if I need to take a break and go have a nap in my moms office? Both of these things happen a lot.
I'm going to have to not only go through the process of changing my name, but also changing my bank and all my doctors and my everything. It sounds crazy but I was in the car today thinking about how to change banks and I actually thought "I'm going to miss my bank." I'm going to miss everything. I had a filling on Monday morning and my dentist said he would see me back in 6 months for my cleaning and he made me cry because I won't see him ever again. I'm basically wiping the slate clean and starting over as a whole new person and I'm terrified.
Plus I'll be done with school and the wedding, so I will have so much free time on my hands to sit around and think about how homesick I am. I already know it's going to happen. My only comfort is that my fiancé (he'll be my husband by then) will be there, and I'll have my dog Rory.
I've already had like 5 mental breakdowns this semester (about the fear of not graduating, about not wanting to move, about almost not getting a wedding venue, about being totally and mentally exhausted, etc.) but I've gotten to a point where I have decided to stop worrying about anything and let the chips fall as they may. If I don't graduate, oh well. If I have to get married in someones backyard, oh well. I'm letting it all roll off my shoulders.
Change is scary but I know it will be good for me in the long run. I'm going through with everything even though I know it's going to be hard. I'm probably going to cry a lot but I'll survive, perhaps even thrive.
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